Monday, May 25, 2009

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Well. The doctor is happy with the results of the second HcG, and the spotting has mostly tapered off - it was a very small amount of blood, most of it brownish. I was really unnerved by this awful elbow/upper arm pain Friday night when the spotting started. It felt like someone was slamming my funny bone over and over against a hard surface. Now, I've had some serious muscle pain before, aches that I chalked up to a progesterone reaction, perhaps. So that left me wondering - was this terrible arm pain just another one of my muscle pains or a symptom of another ectopic? At some point before or during my previous ectopic, I had a wrenching pain in my arm that kept me awake one night. I spent Friday night convinced I was getting ready to have my second ectopic, and even despite the good numbers from Saturday morning, I'm still not entirely convinced that everything's fine. 

I check the pantyliner in my underwear five or six times a day and I think that ever since the test came back positive - before that even - I've been waiting for this to happen. Waiting to start bleeding, because I don't expect anything better from my body. Ugh. At this point, like every time before, there are two possibilities: once again, my feelings of dread/woman's pessimistic intuition will prove right; or I'm just paranoid. It would be nice if the second possibility won out for a change.

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