Saturday, July 11, 2009


Life has improved somewhat since I stopped shoving unnecessary progesterone-jectiles into my business, but the cramps (or are they muscle pains?) still linger a bit. Sneezing, coughing, laughing hard, and stretching all produce a pleasant sensation akin to having nails driven into my pubic bone. I don't know what to make of it - two urinalysis tests came back clean, and when I called the "resident on call" the other night at the hospital, he informed me that "Uh, that might be, like round ligament pain. If you start bleeding a lot, you should, you know, come into the ER." Yeah, homes, I don't really need to be told to seek help for "bleeding a lot." If I can stick it out until Wednesday, I'll finally get to see the OB, who will hopefully have more answers and will hopefully verify that Napoleon continues to hang on to his small tract o'land.

Prior to discontinuing my use of progesterone, I was reflecting on the idea that using those messy suppositories reminded me of Ye Olde Dayse of Tryinge to Get Pregnante Naturallie. Remember those? When you thought that a little unprotected sex was all it took to get knocked up? 

...okay, I'm done laughing hysterically now. You?

And then, after the Deed was Done, you'd put your feet in the air for twenty minutes, clenching muscles you didn't know you had, because no one ever told you that unprotected sex was so MESSY and aside from not wanting to wash the sheets again already, you wanted to make sure that the Junior Einstein sperm didn't ooze back out, leaving you with the Wee Jeffrey Dahmer ones? 

Yeah, those days. 

1 comment:

  1. OMGAHHHHHHH!!!! I cannot. I just can not. LMAO at the tail end of your post!